Apocalypse NOW

I've never been one to say "I need a feel-good movie." Comedy, thriller, drama ... the sheer act of GOING to the movies uplifts me. (And seeing a GREAT film exalts me.) Fart joke fare and frilly pop montages of OTHER people having the times of their lives don't make me forget my troubles. You know what, gimme "In the Bedroom" or "Precious" on a grey day. Knowing I can leave those troubled landscapes and return to my silly everyday problems cheers me up. A quick jolt of welcome perspective for $11.50 plus salty snacks.

And then there's a film like "The Road." The day after Thanksgiving, when we had rare, free babysitting (my in-laws were staying with us), why on earth did I suggest we see this doomsday doozy-- a 2 hour gray-and-beige toned post-apocalyptic tale in which humans hunt and eat each other? Maybe I WAS trying to escape my own reality (did I mention my in-laws were staying with us? Just kidding). Actually, it was the other age-appropriate option at our local theaters (I'm discounting not one, but two vamp films here). All that was left was 2012--not a space odyssey--but an end-of-the-world epic, starring, um, Lloyd Dobler.

Oh, and the preview for the Road? That would be Denzel Washington's new film, "The Book of Eli," -- a, you got it, "post-apocalyptic tale, in which a lone man fights his way across America in order to protect a sacred book that holds the secrets to saving humankind." From the looks of the preview, cannibalism also ensues.

These movies make "Precious" look the feel-good movie of the year (Sure, she gets sexed up by her father at age 15, but at least he doesn't try and eat her).

Film has been a reliable gauge of our zeitgeist. And, with cover of last month's Time Magazine reading, "The Decade from Hell," all indications point to "we're worried." But this decade from hell--with its elective war, unrelenting unemployment and lack of health care--is looking far cheerier than the offerings at your local multiplex.

When times are tough, we look to Hollywood for escapist fare: fantasy. Fantasia. A little mouse going rogue. Lately, Hollywood is heavy on the fantasy, but giving us the grotesque over the fanciful. We're being transported to worlds of colorless sunrises, cannibalistic gangs and Me: It's What's for Dinner.

Futuristic movies aren't just getting tough on our collective psyche -- they're unrelenting. We kicked ass in "Independence Day." In District 9, we kick their ass, sure, but we also murder their young and go after our own--we stop knowing the difference.

Then there's the more realistic fare: "Up in the Air" has no traditional cannibals, but stars a guy who can't get enough of criss-crossing the country firing people. He loves his job so, so much he doesn't make time for any personal attachments. The sky, his only friend.

But while my husband emerged inconsolably depressed from "Up in the Air" and reconsidering his 2010 business plan, I thanked heavens that we had full bellies and a home to return to. (Either way, no one got any that night.) And at least it didn't leave me flattened (or craving Dole peaches) like "The Road."

Considering what's out there, it's no wonder a badly reviewed film like "the Blindside" is top of the charts. It's one of the only films out there starring the American dream and Sandra Bullock. Personally, I refuse to see it. She looks like a wannabe Julia Roberts in "Erin Brockovich"--save the tits--and I could pinpoint it's heartstring-pulling-plan-of-attack from the previews.

True, I don't need a feel-good movie, but I wouldn't mind fewer feel-BAD (and, well, bad) movies to choose from.